yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
