I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
