Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
