i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
