Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Randomize
