If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
