I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
