And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
being pregnant is like rehab
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
