dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
