Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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