Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
