I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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