You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
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