Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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