You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
