just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
