She said her name was "party"
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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