Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
