I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
