If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
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