Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
