I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
sarcasm needs its own font
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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