Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
