...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
