oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
