Pregnant stripper...not hot.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
well, you know. whores of a feather.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
