Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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