I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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