sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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