Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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