I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Randomize
