Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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