I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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