bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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