so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Randomize
