My Higher Power is John Stamos
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Hippo gnu deer
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
