We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
