why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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