Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
