i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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