I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
