Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
