is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Your shirt... Was in my pants
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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