we have pet lesbian snakes
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
