I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
