Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
