im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
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