We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
