we have officially mastered the walk of shame
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Randomize
