I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
