Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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